I know I haven’t blogged regularly in over 18 months and that my posts on my FB Page have been few and far between. And I’m a long way from the twice-daily blogger that I used to be on my old (no longer existing) blog, and whilst I miss it – I realise that my life is no longer where it was back then and that I needed to do what I needed to do to look after myself and my family.
I (we all) really needed to heal more than anything else. Autism has continually kicked all of our butts in a big way and my son went (and continues to go through) some pretty major struggles with his mental health that meant that blogging and sharing about our life was not even do-able let alone wise.
Not only did the blog suffer – I also deleted my personal Facebook profile and laid low because I simply wasn’t able to be what people expected of me (or what I had imagined they did) so it was much easier to just hide than deal with the questions and the digging.
In the past 2 years, (especially) I’ve experienced quite a lot of personal hurt and heartache that still smarts occasionally, but I now understand that I needed to go through it all in order to grow and develop my character. It completely sucked going through the mill but for me to begin to deal with the severe and major depression that I had fallen into – it was a necessary path because it has showed me that I’m a lot tougher than I ever thought I was and I can cope with more than I ever thought possible.
I don’t let people intimidate me as much as I used to and I have decided to use my experiences as a lesson in what NOT to do from now on when I blog. So many other autism parent blogs have disappeared lately because of the spike in online trolling and name-calling, but I refuse to small allow a group of outspoken, judgemental autism parents steal away my voice. Especially when I gain so many therapeutic benefits from writing.
I have such wonderful kids who continue to challenge me to be a better mother and who teach me far more than I could ever teach them and my boys have ben showing such wonderful progress and I just can’t wait to share it all here.
I am no longer angry, nor am I seeking revenge and I am leaps and bounds ahead of where I was this time 12 months ago and I have so many good things to write about.
But not tonight. Tonight I must SLEEP!